I created this account as my... alter ego.

The one that feels free to post whatever she wants, whether its sensual or disturbing. I need this sort of outlet, it's something I never get to express and it's been building up inside me.

There's a part of me I hate to express to others because I fear what they will think or how they will react.

And here's my reasoning and what sparked this.

I just saw the Dark Knight. And I loved it, I thought it was phenomenal, I loved it so much I will buy it when it comes out and probably dress as the Joker for Halloween.

Anyways, onwards. While watching the movie I became drawn to the character of the Joker. I found myself enthralled by his character and wanting to see more of him on screen. I was disappointed that this would be the last time I saw Heath Ledger as the Joker in a movie. While this was going on I felt moved, the actor dissolved into the character and the character in turn pulled you through his game. And I felt attracted to the psychotic that is the Joker. I'm not sure if it was the Bad Boy Complex or simple my profound interest for understanding, but it was there.

As I realized this, it started to dawn on me that this was possibly not a "new" thing. That perhaps this was influenced by some other things most don't know about me.

I'm a sexual nymph when it comes to such practices, I fly with the heat and let the pleasure take me where it will. I could go all day until I was beaten and tired.

And the second. I'm obsessed with crime. Again I believe this may be sparked from my need to understand. I read up on murder stories and psychopaths to understand, to drink in, to experience a side of life that is unfamiliar to me. The possibility that one could purposefully take the life of another and find it exciting or yearn to do so.
Soldiers are considered valiant in killing situations, in the heat of the battle it is supposed to be understandable. But you sign up purposefully to do so, and yet murder for revenge is wrong. How is war and murder different. War is just on a far larger scale.

Who knows.

Anyways, this account shall continue to be slightly disturbing and also endearing.
Writing to understand that point inside me that the world finds unacceptable.

Love,
Nurse Calamity.